journey: flesh.

first of all, where have i been?! it's been a hot minute. i know this. i've been on a journey as of late. that word can have so many meanings to it, don't you think? journey: that awesome big hair, girly looking band from the 80's who just won't stop believing; an adventure full of shenanigans. with no limits; a deep finding of oneself; an emotional roller coaster. i tend to be in the last two. with some help from the first.

about six weeks ago i started to pay more attention to my health. to my well-being. i wanted to put myself first, because it seemed like i was always trying to make everyone else happy. not to the extreme to call myself a "people pleaser". i think i am well-balanced in that area. but i was always working, doing hair, babysitting, helping everyone else out with their daily lives, that i was neglecting my own. spiritually, physically, even mentally. i found that when i don't give myself the extra time i start doubting. i despise that word, honestly. doubt. just poke and laugh at me right now because that's what  i feel doubt does to me. i'll start to do something, then see someone doing it better. it motivates me at first, then it creates self doubt in my mind. "they're so good. i don't even compare." i need to give myself a mental slap in the face. it's challenging to sway your thoughts.

my "journey" was so exciting in the beginning. i was finally taking time for myself. now, it's hit a rough spot. i am still pushing through, don't get me wrong. but excuses are beginning to appear. and i have to mentally slap myself. and constantly repeat the promises to myself that the Lord has given me. so many times in our lives we are pushed down and we believe the negative. "don't believe the negative thoughts and lies. they aren't true. God has such a bigger destiny for you and you are worth it." i've said this many times to friends recently in lending some words for their own doubts. everyone goes through it. it's how you push through and who you rely on that truly matter. "for i know the plans that i have for you,' says the Lord. 'plans to prosper you, not to harm you. plans to give you a hope and a future." jeremiah twenty-nine:eleven. one of my favorite verses is psalm 139:14. it says "i praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. i know that full well." ahhhhh. such sweet, sweet words. i am human. i have human emotions. but He carries me. He's near. and i am swept away by His love.