there will be a day.

i tend to sit and wonder about a lot of things. most of them dealing with myself. my future. my now. others are about my family. something happened this weekend that made me think, "did this really happen? i can't believe this is going on. this wasn't supposed to happen this way." it was a wake up call. for everyone involved. and the person that i pray that it affects the most, i can't even begin to wonder what's going on in his mind. i have tried for so many years. to "save him". once i realized i couldn't and would never be that "savior" in his life, i decided to detach myself emotionally. i didn't want to get hurt for his bad decisions. and i prayed and prayed so hard for him. my friends have fasted for him. we actually fasted for him last week. this life changing event is an answer to prayer, i think. God has His own way of doing things. i am not one to question Him. with my eyes as swollen as they would be from an allergic reaction, my head pounding from crying too hard, and my face absolutely emotionless...i sit and i thank God for His protection. that no one was hurt physically. the emotional pain is there. it's very real. but my family is still here. completely unbroken. and we are together. i honestly don't know what the next step will be. but i know that all i want is for the Lord's will to be done. for my brother to be ok. for him to be here. all of himself, completely present. and for him to enjoy life. to have a good life. it will be done. i believe it. i believe my Father.